Long time no speak!
I do apolagise for the lack of posting and updates, but, I’m beginning to believe I am well and truly on my way to having a quarter-life crises, ya feel me? If I could pin point an exact moment when it all began I would say it was when I was lying on a sun lounger by the pool with little or nothing to occupy my mind, which, I am partly to blame as I didn’t have any reading material organised and or podcasts downloaded to pass the time. My sister – the professional sunbather, was off chasing the rays around the pool area of our hotel, I swear every time I looked up she had moved to be in prime sunbathing, optimum tan receiving position, with her headphones in, which in teenager language means – do not disturb! My Mum was constantly off with my Dad trying to humour his daily activities to keep himself busy so he wouldn’t die of boredom – not much of a sun worshiper himself, so he’s not. So, I myself was alone with my thoughts for 5+ hours a day, hmmm.
As one would imagine, being in a job that I hate and not really knowing where to turn next probably took up most of my thoughts that holiday. Knowing that I don’t want to be in my current job 6 months from now and realising that I don’t actually want to be in the corporate world whatsoever was a heavy burden during that week. I was constantly thinking of my options, what would I find rewarding? What would I be happy doing? Where do I see myself long-term? I was feeling so down and disheartened about my situation I wanted to give up my blog and throw in the towel with that dream as well.
I was thinking to myself, I don’t have thousands of readers and I certainly don’t have thousands of followers to make it big, so whats the point? Ive been doing my blog for nearly 4 years now, even before some of the household names have been doing theirs…that can be tough sometimes. I constantly think what are they doing that I’m not or why is it all happening for them and not me? But you have to remember why you started and we have to stop comparing ourselves to others! I know I am my own worst enemy for comparing my life to other peoples “instagram lives” and thinking they are so lucky or they must have it all. When in actual fact they are probably doing the very same thing to someone else and are probably not as happy as they make out to be. But, in short I suppose Im not going to give up something Ive put so much hard work and effort into just because I don’t have the numbers someone else does. I’m going to do it because I enjoy it!
Anyway, Im getting off topic, forward on a week of complete distress and over thinking and there I am having a complete breakdown in my bedroom because I have no idea what I want to do, if what I think I want to do doesn’t work out. Now bear in mind I would be absolutely over the actual moon if I could do something fashion/beauty related for my long-term career, but its very difficult when everyone wants you to INTERN and WORK FOR FREE! Im sorry about the capitol letters but it infuriates me, but that my friends, is a topic for another day. I really would love to do primary school teaching, but after a few phone calls I have realised that this wont be possible unless I re-sit my Irish Leaving Certificate to get a higher grade which overall could take another 4 years just to do a 2 year masters degree. Who said life was easy, eh? So now Im contemplating is 4 years really that long considering I’ll be working for possibly another 35 years of my life? I feel completely lost right now and don’t know what direction to take. Ive looked at other Masters I might be interested in but I either don’t have the degree you need to apply or relevant work experience. So, once again I am back to the drawing board. A feeling of deflation would be the best way to describe my feelings. When you think you know what you want but then the universe is constantly putting obstacles in your way, testing you.
I realise this post is very ‘woe its me’ and I don’t have it all that bad, but, its difficult trying to find your place in this world. I feel like I’m incredibly happy in other aspects of my life but I have never been able to get the career part right. Is it true when they say you cant have it all?
Is anyone else out there in the same boat? I would love to hear some of your thoughts if you are going through the same thing?
Top – All Saints (old)
Shorts – Levis
Backpack – River Island
Shoes – Topshop (old)